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Showing posts with label inner thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner thoughts. Show all posts

Monday, April 16, 2018

Birthday Weekend


I celebrated my 29th birthday this past Friday in the most adult way possible. I showed up to work late, had dinner with two of my best friends (and sister) and was in bed by 10:00 pm. A minor misunderstanding at work almost ruined this special day but dinner with friends made up for it.

Saturday night I went out with my best friends, and I felt 21 all over again. It's honestly how my 21st birthday should have been celebrated. Instead, I was in college and broke. The only reason I even turned up to my own birthday dinner is because I convinced my boyfriend, at the time, to pay for my meal. It's crazy how I can recall how I've spent every birthday in my twenties, and they just keep getting better and better.

Waiting for our tacos at 2:30 AM

Some call it "the birthday blues," but I usually get emotional around my birthday. I start to think about past regrets, future goals and all the current responsibilities that I just want to avoid. Some days are harder than others, especially when you have your entire family depending on you for financial and emotional support. Heck, there are there days I don't have the motivation to get out of bed. But I show up. I tell myself I gotta show up every day. For a while I use to believe I needed to have my life together by a certain age. I pretended I did. But as the years have gone by, I'm starting to embraced this "I don't have my sh*t together and what" mantra. This is not where I envision myself at 29 but it's far more than what I could have expected. I trust His timing and believe there's a bigger purpose to my life as the birthdays continue to pile on. So here's to being 29 and still trying to get it right. 

Updated 4/17/18 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Domingo, 5am

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I sit there for hours just thinking.
What I did today. What I should have done. Was I right? Oh did I really just say that?
My mind never sleeps. Unless I read till I doze off. 
It seems to help.
Well not tonight. So here I am.

I'm a very sensitive person. It's my weakness and I hate it. 
I let other people's emotions get to me.
Whether it's positive or negative energy, I allow myself to feel it.
I'm always told to "grow thick skin," but I never listen.
I just get better at not making it look so obvious.
But the feeling is still there.

I'm always quick to trust.
I see the best in others, until I don't.
Then I feel like the biggest idiot and beat myself for being so naive.
Patterns. They don't seem to go away.

But this is who I am. I'll get suck into it.
The energy. The trust.
Over and over again.

Hopefully one day, I'll master the art of sensing others' true intentions from a mile away.
Maybe by then, I'll have enough time to run the other way.